Lack of and how do YOU masturbate

So I've been having to take care of my own business for a while now. Mind you, I love masturbating/jerking off/jacking off/whatever you wanna call it. As much as I love sex and the other members of it there are times when I'd really rather not be bothered. One thing I couldn't stand when I was single was the "earning the pussy" phase of the relationship. This is when the woman has to play the "waiting game" so she doesn't come off like a ho(why would you call his mother a garden utensil?!) or too easy. Its almost enough to make you doubt your self worth you know? Runnin around thinkin "Damn, am I not attractive enough? Does she think I'll suck in bed?" and all that other bullshit. The great phase is when you've gotten past all that bs and you have a good time with the person and you know at the end of the date you're gonna be fucking! There's no better way to cap off an evening besides cumming together in a sweaty, hollering, sheets ripped off the bed night of sex. And now that i've gone waaaaaaaaaaay past that to the marriage and all too short honeymoon stage I've come to the no pussy stage all too soon. Can i just say this sucks? Not to talk too bad about my wife but she's not the most outgoing type as far as initiation and stuff. You know, the "pleasure me" type. No wonder sometimes I'd rather just beat one off. But even still, nothing beats the feeling of pussy. Maybe that's why babies gestate for so long...lol. So I probably should be more understanding of the things that the missus is going thru and all but damn I want some pussy. So I already have an idea of what i'm going to do if wifey doesn't come thru tonight.

I'll wait until her and our daughter go to sleep. I'll sneek into the living room where I can watch TV without fear of them waking up. I think i'll pop in one of my latest pornos "Big Black Wet Tits 8" and fantasize about some of the women i've seen in the past day. You ever wish you could just tell a mofo how you'd fuck the shit outta them and not have to worry bout any reprisal/backlash/sexual harrasment/rejection? Then I'll alternate between the porn, fantasy, and Sportscenter/some guy flick so as to draw my session out. I'll lube the ole boy up with lotion or baby oil gel and stroke him to full length, let him go down and start all over again until a fat nut can't be stopped. I might even do it again time permitting. Sheesh. And they wonder why men cheat. Oh well. Better to jerk off.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

I swear when all is said and done I'm gonna write a book about my marriage. And in that book are gonna be reasons I love my wife and reasons I can't stand her. Right now what stands out the most are the things I can't stand. For instance...when two people have a disagreement it helps if both parties try to see the other sides point of view. This helps to come to an understanding. Even if one of the parties is wrong. Today's example: My mom called to tell me she went by one of her old girlfriend's(like an aunt to me) job. She found out the woman had left because she had a stroke. But she didn't have a current phone number or address for the woman. I said I could email my ex because her daughter and my aunt's youngest son were close. Well I sent that email yesterday and found out my aunt died yesterday. Blower right? Well, I was conveying this information to my wife and decided to leave out the part about my ex right? Just so she wouldn't think there was something goin on with the ex(that I hardly EVER talk to). Well she get to calling my mom and realizes that instead of me findin all this out from my mom, i'm the one doing the finding. So then I tell her how i came about the information(truthfully) and she goes ballistic. I'm like, ok i shouldn't have lied but try to understand I was just tryna keep the ex's name out of it. But of course, she is gonna make a big beef outta it when all she had to say is "you don't have to lie to spare my feelings" or whatever. Followed that by mumblin under her fuckin breath and shit and me telling her "enough already" and her then hanging up. My book is sure to be a best-seller. I know it will.

Grudges

So fam, listen to this and tell me if i'm wrong. I was out at Shoppers Food Warehouse picking up something for dinner last night and when I was leaving I saw this car pulling into the parking lot. I immediately recognized the car and the driver as a former neighbor. This same neighbor borrowed money from me some time ago(probably 7 years ago) and just up and moved away without givin me my bread or any explanation. I pulled up on this woman and i told her I recognized her from our former address and she owed me $100. Mind you I didn't expect her to give it to me, but I remember having such strong feelings about being played that I swore to myself if I ever caught up with her I was gonna "git" her ass. And I mean acting in a way my momma didn't raise me ya heard me? Well I pull up and tell her she's so and so and I remember her from such a place and how she owes me $100. I can see her tryna place my face and all that. Then she tries to give me the "you must be mistaken" line. I'm like, nah sweetheart I got the right one. You was drivin this same busted ass honda civic back then and you still got that fucked up complexion you had back then. I just wanted you to know, it was fucked up for you to get a young brother like that when I didn't have $100 to waste, but I was taken in by your "my kids aint got nothin to eat, we don't have no heat, and no power" b.s. that I went against my better judgement and gave you money I couldn't afford to not get back. But that's ok, I wanted you to know that that kind of shit catches up with "tricks like you". I could easily smack your ass out and would love if your man(i remember this bitch nicca used to beat her ass and she had cried to me bout him too) was here with you to defend your honor because I'd love to whup somebody's ass over that shit. But as it is, I just wanted to get this off my chest. So enjoy your holiday and thank you for your time. I sorta regret acting like that and part of me knows it coulda worse. Say much worse if her man had been there. And no I don't feel like a man for terrorizing a poor woman, but it was just something I felt had to be done.